hi guys!! it's claire :) so i'm writing this story for a short story competition in my school, and i REALLY need some feedback. it's not related to harry potter, but i'll put the link below. please respond to this post with feedback, thanks!!
Justice: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MU_eKKBW-p8h5HSfZNPQjgoTSEDk8oY8D1qTCRlhm4M/edit
idk why i cant open it :(((( ill try again!!
thanks so much @MissLacybee !! your feedback really helped me :)
thanks @Sophie Sencen !! btw are you a keeper of the lost cities fan? i'm just looking at your last name in your user, but it might just be me lol.
I really liked it! You were able to keep my attention throughout the whole thing which is something some authors do tend to struggle to do. So congrats on that!!
Um some constructive feedback I have for you is trying to keep everything in the same tense. Is it past tense or present tense or something else? At times I had a hard time being able to tell.
I also would love to see more interaction with other characters.
However, I believe the storyline is beautifully written and constructed and LOVE THE ENDING! It honestly reminded me of myself in a way. Good job!
I loved it and hope this helps!
I can see if I can check it out for you!!! :)
Sorry, I can't go onto a document bc I want to keep my email private :)))
But If u copy paste it or smth then I could ig--
Good luck! I left some comments and suggestions. Basically, it's great but I'd love some more detail in the scenes. At the moment, it's a bit passive - eg: 'I went to the shops and bought some eggs'.
What would be more interesting would be something that shows the reader what happened. For example:
The shop was crowded when I went in, full of adults--mostly parents--trying to control their toddlers. I stepped around a harrassed-looking man in a suit and picked up a basket, then began to shop. Where were the eggs?
Looking around, I moved towards the aisle at the far end, the one full of flour crates. Hopefully, what I was looking for would be in the 'dry ingrediants' section. My mum always complained about the layout of the shop, but I found it easy to navigate--at least, if you knew what you were doing.
...etc. I'm not going to write out the whole thing because I'll bore the pants off you XD But hopefully you get what I mean. Adding detail just makes the scenes easier to imagine and more emotional. Hope that helps and let me know if you'd like any clarifications
~ Lacy