Hello my friends,
I know I’ve been through this so many times before, and now I’m trying again, as I’ve been far more active on fanfic sites than I really want to be. I should be focusing on things that are really important, like school, building better relationships with my family and friends, and trying to become the best version of myself that I can possibly be.
Way back in 2020, I started writing fanfictions to escape the reality of who I was, my life circumstances, the way I was treated, and more. 2020 was one of the hardest years in my entire lifetime, with all sorts of different things. The pandemic, the natural disasters and all this personal stuff that I’d rather not share. And now that it's almost 2022, I’ve grown so much, learned so much, and found so many great friends. I’m not anyone else, I’m still sucky old Sara, the depressed, chaotic, confused, girl with anxiety.
The past few months have been rough, but I know that I wouldn’t have made it through without each and every one of you. Even those of you that hate me with all your heart, I still care about you and want you to be happy and grow into the best people you can be. Authors, artists, actors, doctors, scientists, politicians. You all have the potential to become whatever you want. If you can dream it and work at it, you surely can do it. Your kindness, service and understanding were exactly what I needed to get through it all. And how you were so willing to stand up for your beliefs, your friends and families. Your examples have helped me become a better person. I will never forget that.
“Nothing’s forever. Forever’s a lie. All we have it’s what’s between hello and goodbye.” A quote by Marilyn Bergman. A quote that makes me think of everything we’ve been through. Everything that we’ve done together. When I first said hello, I didn’t know what I was in for. And none of you could’ve guessed either. But, I personally feel that it’s brought us closer together and taught us important life lessons.
One of the things I’ve learned, one of the most important things I’ve learned throughout the course of the past few months, is that friendship is important, wonderful and something to cherish. Of course, I’ve always known this, but these past four, five, six years have been some of the HARDEST and DARKEST times of my life. Like I said earlier, I wouldn’t have made it through without you guys, but I wouldn’t have made it through without my other friends either.
I don’t have the best health, mentally or physically. Starting way back at the very end of my fourth grade year, I started having issues with my left foot. I couldn’t do the things I loved without causing pain. The first time I went to the doctor, I went to an orthopedic who put me into my first of many, MANY boots. Fast forward a few months, I went to an orthopedic surgeon who put me into my first of MANY casts, gave me my first pair of MANY pairs of crutches, and sent me to MANY physical therapists. Nothing was helping. Countless MRIs, sleepless nights, hours of endless pain, exercises and more, I just had to bear with it. Go about life like everything was okay. And it wasn’t. It still isn’t. I’m now seeing a rheumatologist who doesn’t seem to be helping much either. Like everything I’ve been doing is in vain. The rheumatologist wants to send me across the country for impatient treatment, to see if that would do anything, but my family simply cannot afford it. So here I sit, stuck with my broken body.
Without my friends, I’d not be sitting here writing this today. Without you guys, I would’ve lost my sanity during those sleepless nights or the days were I couldn’t do anything. If you’ve known me long enough, you know my story. You know how hard it’s been for me to find my place. And with this extra burden, I really needed you. To help with my healing from my poor choices. People who didn’t judge me for who I am. Real, true friends that have changed my life for the better.
I know this is getting quite long, and maybe even repetitive, but I’m eternally grateful for the way you have impacted my life. So here I sit, on my laptop in my messy, dark bedroom, the same old Sara I’ve always been. The book nerd, theater nerd, imperfect, anxious, depressed, confused, girl. The one who found joy within the books she read, the one who wrote to escape the realities of things, the one who needed and still needs you. I’m still Sara Keller, just older, wiser, dirtier and more beaten up. But you know what? I wouldn’t change anything I’ve done. Not one thing. Yes, I have countless regrets, but my mistakes have helped me learn.
I’d like to apologize once more for all the hurt, harm and pain I may have caused any of you. You didn’t deserve that, and I wish I hadn’t done it. But what’s done is done, and I’m so sorry. I owe you forever. So if I happen to see you again someday, know that I will find a way to pay for the damage I’ve done. The scars I’ve left.
However, a person can change, no matter what they’ve done. Even if they aren’t quite the same as they were before they messed up, they can become a great and wonderful person. I want you all to know that. I want you to know that even if you make a mistake, it doesn’t define you, no matter how infamous you may become. I will always forgive you and be rooting for you.
And with that, I think I’m going to bring my time here to a close. I will never forget you, your greatness and your influence on my life. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making it so hard for me to end this letter, because when I post it, then it’s real. It’s over. When this is posted, everything will be behind me. Thank you for being my friend.
I’ll love y’all forever!! Thanks again, for everything.
Love,
Sara Keller
12/16/2021
i thought you already left....