Ranting

Hey guys, I just want to rant to you guys about some different things.

So for starters, one of my babies (one of the twins) is in hospital at the moment, Tom (The male) and I don't know if it's life-threatening or not, the only thing I can do is worry, and I'm stressed and overwhelmed. My family has a few diseases that could carry onto my children that are life-threatening. Guys, I don't know what to do. I am doing my head in just thinking about it. What is he... what if he goes? What if I can't see him before he goes? I know this probably doesn't make sense to people who don't have children yet (I probably shouldn't have children yet either) even young children in the stomach (When you are pregnant) If you have a miscarriage you feel betrayed by nature, and your upset obviously. but when your child is born and you see them (depending on how many you have) You have the urge to do whatever you can to protect them. But I don't know what I can do, I cant go see him at the hospital in case I give him covid and I cant stay at the hospital because my family is making me stay home and rest during the nights. I can't sleep anymore because I can't stop thinking about it!! I need it to end! Olivia had covid badly and now Tom has this badly. would it be some sort of twin thing?

I hate these things in life. If one of my babies, even one, pass away... I'm probably going to end the pain...... I know what Y'all are going to say, "don't do it" "what about the other baby" etc. but if this hurts this much, how am I going to cope with one of them dying. I can't do it. I have put people down as their adoptive parents if anything happens to me so they will have other parents who love them as much as I do.

Thanks for listening guys I truly love you guys.